As a fashion writer at GQ in my mid-twenties, I spent a lot of time honing the outer life I thought would make me look the most impressive: I had a cool apartment with nice chairs, and a closetful of designer clothes. I dated Instagram influencers, and planned impromptu trips to Paris with my buddies.
My life looked great, but I didn’t feel great. And when things eventually fell apart, the truth was revealed: Underneath my curated existence, I was a wreck. I was sick, stressed, and sad. Not to mention that my self worth had been so propped up by my job, my girlfriend, and all the cool stuff I owned, that without it, I felt worthless. If was being really honest, I wanted to die. And I became determined to do something about it.
As a life coach, I get the question a lot from new clients: “How do I feel comfortable in my own skin?” And it’s a good one. Probably one we’d all like some answers for.
I’ve found that being comfortable with who we are begins by taking better care of ourselves. As men, many of us learned from a young age we weren’t lovable or worthy unless we were excelling at something, so we push our bodies, minds, and spirits to the brink in pursuit of the next win. This hustle til we drop mentality is hurting us. I read recently the average age of burnout for a man in 2022 is now just 32 years old.
For me, slowing down and treating myself better was the beginning of a new relationship with myself. Conscious choices like moving out of the city, cutting out booze and drugs, spending less time cranking away on my laptop (and more time outside in the sun) eating quality food and getting good sleep all sound pretty basic, but they went a long way towards feeling better in my day-to-day life.
Getting more comfortable in my skin also meant being willing to get really uncomfortable at times, too.
I had to address the underlying trauma that had been driving my desire hide behind an impressive shell and to take a long look at my shadow (all the stuff about myself I didn’t want to admit to anyone). To do this, I had to ask for help: from therapists, coaches, and healers of all kinds. I joined twelve step groups, and experimented with healing modalities including plant medicine, energy, body and breath work, and acupuncture. I rediscovered the sports of my youth - golf, tennis, and skiing, and took up a new one, boxing. These practices help get me out of the protection of my mind and into my body, where a lifetime of repressed emotions had been stored.
As I started to move into my body, it hurt. There was a reason I’d been avoiding myself so long! But slowly, I began to come alive. The chronic anxiety I’d carried since my childhood all but disappeared. My relationships steadily improved. Waking up each morning became a joy. I looked forward to spending another day in my skin as me, not some persona I’d created to survive. This was a totally new phenomenon.
It became clear to me that the journey that had saved my life could save other men’s lives, too: I needed to pass on everything I was learning. So I became a men’s coach, working with men 1:1 and in groups, where I met a lot of other guys like me: They all had lives that looked pretty great on the outside - they had good jobs, and nice things, and lived in cool cities, but they had some work to do to feel better on their insides, too.
Doing both inner and outer work with my clients inspired me endlessly. I saw guys getting more comfortable in their skin by the day. Not to mention more in tune with their truth, authenticity, and personal power. I also started to see with my own eyes the radical (and healing) shift that occurs when appearance-conscious guys drop their defenses, and begin acknowledging what is really happening for them.
I believe community holds a crucial role in this shift: we need safe, non-judgmental spaces to discuss the things we don’t openly admit about ourselves. We need to strip down so we can see that there’s nothing wrong with us, that we’re cool and valuable no matter what we’re wearing, what job we’ve got, or what number is in our checking account. That is the secret to living free. And I want to create that for as many men as I can. Men like you and me. Men who want to live beautiful lives, but don’t want to sacrifice everything for it.
So, in that spirit, The Naked Man is born. A meeting place at the intersection of my old gig (menswear) and my new one (mental and emotional health).
Why The Naked Man? Well, a naked man needs nothing. He’s secure in himself, secure in his place in the world. He might have lots of nice stuff, but it doesn’t define him. In fact, if all of it went away tomorrow, he’d be fine. He’d still know who he is. He’d still be comfortable in his skin. That’s the kind of guy I want to be. And I’m betting, at your core, that’s the kind of guy you want to be, too.
Let’s get naked together -
Sean